1. "I'm a massive tech whore."
2. "Crazy things happen to musicians because we're musicians."
3. "I ran out of Elton"
4. "My brain is usually mush."
5. "I was expelling demons."
6. "I did not say that Lara is thick."
7. "I think I'm left-handed, I'm not sure."
8. "I took a bunch of drugs, and here I am!"
9. "Do lemons scream as you squeeze them?"
10. "All musicians teach. It's the way we don't starve."
11. "Life is like an RPG."
12. "I'm basically a banana."
13. "Tactical toffees are great. Highly recommended."
14. "I used to be a real douche too."
15. "I wanted to keep playing that because I haven't heard that come out of my brain for a really long time and I wanted to see what happened next."
16. "I'm touching the piano. A lot."
17. "Stream first, die later!"
18. "I'm losing skin on the piano. That's how you know you're having a good time."
19. "I'm not gonna try and like … English now, I'm just gonna music, I think." - Jonathan, at 3am
20. "This has become my favourite time to spend a couple of hours or … time I should be sleeping."
21. "What do I do? Oh, I'm a pianist, I mean if you couldn't figure that one out."
22. "I've got to streeeamm, and then i come on here like a drug."
23. "I'll look it up … if only I had a brain."
24. "It's not about the size of your donation, it's how you use it."
25. "I've always had a thing for organs."
26. "Lara6683, Our Lady of Live Learning."
27. "I don't have a harpsichord … yet."
28. "I rented a baby …"
29. "That's not my baby (...) I didnt make it."
30. "I don't meow at people. I tend to woof."
31. "Come on, brain, let's work together here."
32. "I like to use the G string..."
33. "Hmm … split my fingernail. I might get some tape."
34. "I'll start thinking of wrapping up." He says at 3:30am.
35. "Let's just see how many instruments I can play at once."
36. "So I'm not sleeping, it only has to be for 6 months. Should be fine, right?"
37. "No, I don't wanna share mouth stuff with you."
38. "I got two left feet. Unless you get me drunk, then I have three left feet."
39. "Of course I'm cheating!"
40. "So now all I need to do is figure out how to make me work …"
41. "I'm just gonna make a mess of this and we'll see what happens."
42. "I'm actually going to put some feet things on here."
43. "Hello, Lips! Let's work together."
44. "Come on left hand, what's wrong with you?"
45. "Ok, I have to go a bit easy on the smoke."
46. "How much Chopin can we ruin..."
47. "Blu-Tack does not taste good."
48. "Makenna I'm just imagining trying to make babbis with your picture in the Discord Singles channel."
49. "There is no english left... I ran out of english..."
50. "This is not a very good song to twerk to."
51. "CHRIST IN A CREAM CHEESE SAUCE!"
52. "Let's mess it up."
53. "We need to add more stuff to make it work."
54. "Chopin was a Bastard!"
55. "I'm going to use the restroom so I don't have to cross my legs."
56. "I wonder what ducted tails would be like..."
57. "Help, I'm stuck in Hanson!"
58. "What do you do with a hole? You fill it."
59. "I'm just beating my meat fists on the piano. - Brother Ong"
60. "My organ has turned off, because it hasn't been used in ...."
61. "I need a bigger hammer."
62. "Is that gonna be like really creepy? I hope so.."
63. "Hi I'm Jonathan, I'm a pianist with a shopping problem as you can see."
64. "Now that I think about it, I can see how this tastes close to puke. It's pretty good." - Jonathan 2017-10-23 2:57am
65. "I don't know why Linus is buzzing." - Jonathan, 2017-10-25
66. "Hehehe well now I know not to crush my stuff in one hand." - Jonathan, 2017-11-06
67. "Well if Liszt did it...."
68. "I blow on a lot of stuff" - Jonathan, 2017-11-18
69. It's not synaesthesia, I just like food
70. "You're gonna blow into this..."
71. I will touch all the songs!
72. "It's not broken, just warming up." -Jonathan 2018-01-13
73. "Why did you pick the most square object to put on my spherical head?" -Jonathan 2018-01-19
74. "mmmm that D coming in"
75. "Hellfire is one of my favourite things." -Jonathan, 2018-02-06
76. "I actually need to research to do wubs. I've never done a wub in my life." -Jonathan 2018-02-11
77. "Of course Lara is like a gazelle, sorta like a gazelle with death lasers for eyes sometimes.."
78. "We unlocked the … we unlocked this thing and then I promptly broke it." -Jonathan 2018-03-04
79. "The only computer we have to monitor the stream currently is in the toilet. It's not usually in the toilet, it's just in the toilet right now." -Jonathan 2018-03-05
80. "Let's do something a bit weird." -Jonathan 2018-04-06
81. "That was a bit more damage than I expected." ~Jonathan, 2018-04-29
82. "I went to the store and I found some discounted instant coffee and look at me now!" -Jonathan 2018-05-08
83. "I think the derp just grew." -Jonathan 2018-05-29
84. "How do I get out of this thing?!?"
85. "Where's the mouth hole?" -Jonathan 2018-06-12
86. "You know, when you just spontaneously erupt a beard, guys … it's a bit disturbing." -Jonathan 2018-06-12
87. "It's not really a cult. Because it doesn't have clearly delineated beliefs and I haven't asked you to give me all your women." -Jonathan, 2018-06-26
88. "Disconnect your face from your thoughts." -Jonathan 2018-07-08
89. "It's very hard to rock with your legs crossed." -Jonathan, 2018-07-29
90. "Can't replace my fingers, but they'll do what I tell them." -Jonathan, 2018-08-17
91. "I do have a lot of nuts though........ in my pantry" -Jonathan, 2018-08-17
92. "Ladies and gentleman if you haven't been here before, sometimes we arrange things so I can play with myself" -Jonathan 2018-08-26
93. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't really quite know what to say, if I don't seem particularly demonstrated it's because I just had my mind just slightly blown … out the window. Like completely. Just gone. Look at this cup! This cup is ridiculous!" -Jonathan 2018-09-11
94. "I need to like not blow on things for a minute"
95. "I did notice, I just forgot to open my mouth" -JonathanOng 2018-09-30
96. "It was a close call between destroying it and not destroying it. But when you have a choice, you just have to destroy it." -JonathanOng 2018-10-03
97. "I think I need to put some water in me, because right now it's filtering out my skin." -JonathanOng 2018-12-06
98. "Does my brain work? It's debatable." - Dr. Ong
99. "Why is my memory full?" - Dr Ong
100. "Yes, you heard that right. My piano wet itself in the night." -JonathanOng 2019-02-26
101. "I forgot how much fun it was to watch the news." -Jonathanong 2019-03-03
102. "I have made a prison of keyboards, and I can't escape." - Dr Ong
103. "I don't like my knives to be powered." -JonathanOng 2019-03-11
104. "Is that English? That's English! I understand English. Sometimes." -JonathanOng 2019-03-16
105. "If your fingers are bleeding, that's ok." -JonathanOng 2019-03-23
106. "I'm just literally organizing noises." -JonathanOng 2019-04-03
107. "'Have you tried counting how many physical instruments you have?' No, why would I do that?" -JonathanOng 2019-04-03
108. "Don't mind me, I'm just organising noise" -JonathanOng 2019-04-03
109. "Ok, we'll F it." -JonathanOng 2019-04-06
110. "she tried to kill me multiple times, it was great" - J.Ong 2019
111. "Twitch is full of smart people. I just play music." -JonathanOng 2019-05-08
112. "You don't want catboard" - Dr Ong
113. "It's a good thing I have a nose! -JonathanOng 2019-05-25
114. "Brought to you by Jonathan Ong, head of bad ideas incorporated." -JonathanOng 2019-05-25
115. "Gee, I guess we're not going to run out of skin today." -JonathanOng 2019-05-25
116. "I need to take a break from buying orchestras." - Dr Ong 2019-06-10
117. "When you go to the bathroom, let's just put it this way: steam rises." -JonathanOng 2019-06-19
118. "It just needs to have my woof." -JonathanOng 2019-07-22
119. "Too many things in my brain at the same time!" -JonathanOng 2019-07-27
120. "Now I forgot what I was doing because I was too busy being amazing." - Dr Ong 2019-08-07
121. "I was going to say something clever, but I'm not clever, so I can't. -JonathanOng 2019-08-21
122. "If you do it properly, the only thing you damage is your fingertips." -JonathanOng 2019-09-16
123. "I'm breaking things at the wrong end." -JonathanOng 2019-09-30
124. "My face stopped working and then it's very difficult to talk." -JonathanOng 2019-10-05
125. "Oh Nice! Its the Finger Saver 2000!" - Dr Ong 2019-10-05
126. "If you think about it, that's a little bit insane." -JonathanOng, 2019-10-30
127. "Oh! My brain just popped!" - Dr Ong 2019-11-08
128. "Oh, I forgot to ignore InTheShad0ws" -JonathanOng 2019-12-04
129. "It's an identity crisis in a roll." -JonathanOng 2019-12-17
130. "I guess I'm not a very good camel." -JonathanOng 2019-12-21
131. "That's kind of what I do: I kill pianos." -JonathanOng 2019-12-24
132. "What a wierd feeling in my head" - Dr Ong 2020-01-10
133. "Congratulations! You have out-filthed me." -JonathanOng 2020-01-18
134. "I've lived under a great classical rock forever." -JonathanOng 2020-01-18
135. "Going to call this C sharp just because its more cool." -Jonathan Ong 2020-02-08
136. "I sleep on Sunday." -JonathanOng 2020-02-08
137. "You know what, stuff it, I just do it myself!" -JonathanOng 2020-02-12
138. "There you go, arpeggiation. EZ clap." -JonathanOng 2020-02-12
139. "They say that music and math are related, I'm here to prove that they aren't." -JonathanOng 2020-02-15
140. "And now I have 7 of them, because I have a problem." ~JonathanOng 2020-02-22
141. "I used two wrenches, a brick and a blowtorch. And everything worked. Although the brick is now in three pieces." ~JonathanOng 2020-02-25
142. "All my screws fell out!" ~JonathanOng 2020-03-11
143. "This and this equals 2/3 of a blender." ~JonathanOng 2020-03-11
144. "I've been here before, this doesn't end well." ~JonathanOng 2020-03-11
145. "I eat the vegetables first." ~JonathanOng 2020-04-04
146. "The chopsticks are now an integral part of the structure." ~JonathanOng 2020-04-18
147. "I keep flipping my sleep schedule between major and minor" ~JonathanOng 2020-04-21
148. "I'm getting old, I can't see that fast." ~JonathanOng 2020-04-25
149. "I was making a flamethrower in my bedroom. Pro tip: Don't do that." ~JonathanOng 2020-04-27
150. "Can I even count to twelve?" ~JonathanOng 2020-04-29
151. "I should just cancel the kid really" -- Dr Ong 2020-05-14
152. "It's magic. The stream runs on magic." -JonathanOng 2020-05-16
153. "Let me surprise you with my ignorance." - Dr Ong 2020-06-27
154. "Let's crank up the piano, crank up the coffee!" -JonathanOng 2020-06-30
155. "I used words and things, and that was a bad idea." -JonathanOng 2020-07-04
156. "Even YouTube doesn't want it." -JonathanOng about the catpiano stream on 2020-07-15
157. "Chat's like a cat." -JonathanOng 2020-07-22
158. "That's a huge sub. If Subway sold it, it would be at least 3 feet long!" - Dr Ong 2020-07-23
159. "Just grow thicker teeth." -JonathanOng 2020-07-25
160. "I need a third hand." -JonathanOng 2020-08-05
161. "You just flap your arms about. You know, flappy bird." ~JonathanOng 2020-08-08
162. "I'm supposed to be somewhere 10 minutes ago." -JonathanOng 2020-08-11
163. "I don't really wanna be used as a … Google." -JonathanOng 2020-08-25
164. "I'm always tired, that's the secret." -JonathanOng 2020-09-12
165. "Every time I do this a generous slice of skin comes right off." -JonathanOng 2020-09-12
166. "Red, Blue and … I'm not very good at colours." ~JonathanOng 2020-11-07
167. Oh God, I've run out of tongue!
168. "If I had a favorite keyboard, I wouldn't have 43 of them!" ~ Jonathan Ong 2021-01-14
169. "It's like the thumb has a harem of fingers." -JonathanOng 2021-01-16
170. "My brain is a curious blank." -JonathanOng 2021-01-29
171. "Funnily enough, I don't glue fish together." -JonathanOng 2021-01-30
172. "It's classical music. How bad can it be?" - Jonathan Ong 2021-02-11
173. "You don't need to break the piano, it's not actually a requirement." ~JonathanOng 2021-03-13
174. "I have a degree in fancy words."  - Dr Ong 2021-05-07
175. "Classical music is whack man" - Jonathan Ong 2021-06-10
176. "Maybe it changes colour when I touch it." ~JonathanOng 2021-07-27
177. "Take that, meme!" ~JonathanOng 2021-08-03
178. "It doesn't matter what the object is, with the correct pressure applied, everything is a knife." ~JonathanOng 2021-08-17
179. "YouTube is middle-aged." ~JonathanOng 2021-08-17
180. "You're watching musical grass grow." ~JonathanOng 2021-08-22
181. "Everything looks better in purple." ~JonathanOng 2021-08-29
182. "My favorite mode is 'on'." -JonathanOng 2021-09-02
183. "That's not screwing in, I'll try a different hole. It's supposed to just go in." ~JonathanOng 2021-10-12
184. "I'm just a musician. I make sounds with sounds." ~JonathanOng 2021-10-31
185. "I don't know when the fish go out." ~JonathanOng 2021-11-07
186. "Good thing I don't need my legs." ~JonathanOng 2021-11-14
187. "I know I look like this, but I am basically a banana." ~JonathanOng 2021-12-12
188. "It blows an A and sucks a G sharp" -- Dr Ong 2022-02-22
189. "Sometimes you just need tape." -JonathanOng 2022-03-06
190. "I feel like my head is like a mummy." -JonathanOng 2022-03-11
191. "It feels so good to have nothing on." -JonathanOng 2022-03-11
192. "My nose is peg resistant." -JonathanOng 2022-03-15
193. This is a wholesome stream, now with additional hole!!
194. If you have 100 000 points, you can suck us into a hole.
195. "I learned many things. I've learned: don't grab onto the prongs of a transformer." ~JonathanOng 2022-04-10
196. "It was fine until I brought a drummer in here!"  -Dr Ong 2022-05-02
197. "I don't know what big is." -JonathanOng 2022-06-03
198. I'm basically accelerated entropy.
199. I just put this stick in my mouth and blow.
200. "It goes even higher?  Eeww, that's so high!" - Dr Ong 2022-09-10
201. No, the oompa-loompas!!
202. "I only have one brain and one mouth, and the brain is often times elsewhere." ~JonathanOng 2022-09-30
203. This is a blowing stream at the moment.
204. This is a blowing stream at the moment. ~JonathanOng 2022-09-30
205. In this stream, we blow a violin.
206. All my stuff is fake, except for the stuff that's real. ~JonathanOng 2022-10-01
207. "The Looper counts to two and you've given me something in fifteen" - Jonathan Ong
208. Oi!! Don't iron the Russian synthesiser!!
209. There's unmarked speed cameras in this room!!
210. Do you know who I am? I am Doctor Ong I am. And do you know how many things I know about music? At least two! ~JonathanOng 2022-10-14
211. We are now going to BLOW the orchestra!!
212. "If I had more hands, it would end with more stuff." ~JonathanOng 2022-11-12
213. "I'm not banning pie! I like pie!" - Jonathan Ong, 11/15/2022
214. Not that I've seen your nuts...
215. The hard part is not sucking.
216. Of course I'm worried about being in-tune while i gargle!!
217. This one forces me to think.
218. I've gotta tie myself up again.
219. It wasn't supposed to become a BDSM stream, but, you know... I really didn't think that one through.
220. Harry, can you get that reindeer out of my face please??
221. I'm gonna go squash my arms.
222. I live but to serve the stream.
223. Wow, that's a big sack!!
224. "I'm like a really crap AI" ~JonathanOng 2023-02-04
225. "Look, the hole is glowing" -JonathanOng 2023-02-18
226. Come on, don't suck me into the hole!!
227. Hey, I almost learnt a pop culture!!
228. But I don't wanna smell teens!!
229. I need to set up the jelly piano and put pants on!!
230. "How do you leave the Vengabus?" -JonathanOng 2023-03-18
231. Size matters, ok??
232. Imagine a durian piano, that's terrible!!
233. The next choice was "Horny".
234. Then I can officially spank you all at once, it's gonna be wonderful!!
235. "You get better results when it's not hard." -JonathanOng 2023-05-05
236. Nobody who's a real string player wants to watch me blow a violin!!
237. You know, having a big rock dropped on your lap is very confusing.
238. He will two-forty-nine all over you.
239. "What I hear is a mathematical problem disguised as a piece of music." -JonathanOng 2023-06-20
240. There'll also be things you can twist.
241. You can't just DO lasers, lasers don't just HAPPEN.
242. I'm not Hans Zimmer, but uh.... I like playing music.
243. Corey, I had to grip onto a nut, and wrench it off.
244. It's like a horror movie in my mouth.
245. Computers are more whiny than some people I know.
246. "I know I'm right, I'm not going to wait for the answer."  -Jonanthan Ong 2023-08-12
247. "How many years ago did I sleep?" -Jonathan Ong 2023-08-12
248. What do you mean, "my box is loose"?? YOUR box is loose!!
249. You stick everything in it, then you crush the ABSOLUTE bejeesus out of it.
250. The pile of broken ships does not exist.
251. I've gotta make hay while the arms shine.
252. I broke Nightbot, by slapping my face.
253. That's a massive hole?? It IS a massive hole.
254. I don't need to turn inside-out like a salted slug.
255. Am I right, that you've got a 22-inch thing??
256. I know who funds these, and I know where they live...
257. Have you ever had people smashing support into your face through many events??
258. You can do that, you can just suck me into a hole!!
259. Reapz is a very big boy.
260. You broke my fire. How do you break fire??
261. I have no Wii.
262. We absolutely got exploded in the face!!
263. All about the bowing?? I thought it was all about the fingering.
264. I don't know if the weed is going to help lower my blood pressure.
265. I get on that stream, and play with myself until something good comes out.
266. "We seem to have run out of songs that aren't about sex." -JonathanOng 2023-10-07
267. "I just fail at being McDonalds" ~JonathanOng 2023-10-14
268. I know we want to get to the banging bit.
269. Why are you gendering the fruit??
270. They bonk so hard.
271. "Maybe it's squeezing my head in a different way." ~JonathanOng 2023-11-25
272. Don't worry, I don't discriminate -- I ignore you all equally!!
273. Come on, get moist!! -- Jonathan Ong, 2023-12-04
274. "I need breathing more than breathing needs me." ~JonathanOng 2023-12-16
275. "Fortunately, the piano breaks before the fingers break." ~JonathanOng 2023-12-16
276. We're just artistically arranging things in a thing.
277. Bonk. Aha!!
278. Corey, thank you so much for kidnapping Santa!!
279. I'm a classical musician with a doctorate, why would I know ANYTHING??
280. Don't iron my orb!! He''s ironing my orb!!
281. Just imagine my fingering, OK??
282. There's only two things I'm good at in life, and that's fingering and blowing....
283. Who wants to see a streamer get absolutely face-blasted with support??
284. We've been banging for seven years.
285. Length matters!!
286. I refuse to suck at this!!
287. If I was nailing that, and you nailed me with that, we'd all be nailed together!!
288. I just put my porridge in my pants! ~JonathanOng 2024-04-20
289. How the cookie turn tables....
290. I don't know what words are.
291. "I'm a punch card computer." ~JonathanOng 2024-05-18
292. It just means I never pull it out.
293. Long story short, things are weird now.
294. There's twelve people in my head!!
295. I haven't had to touch them, people come in and touch ME with them!!
296. I don't know what I know sometimes.
297. This is the skeleton on which you hang all the FLESH!!
298. I'm one of the most passive-aggressive bitches there is.
299. We don't want to oil up our unicorn, that's a bit weird!!
300. I like octopus.... in my mouth. I'm not ashamed of that!!
301. Well, if you present it to me to suck, I'll consider it.
302. Today is a teaspoon. -- Jon, 12 Nov '24
303. Help I'm stuck in the toilet!! --Jon, 15 Nov '24, (game: The Long Drive)
304. I don't need a jizz thing!! I don't need a jizz thing!! -- Jon 15 Nov '24 (game: The Long Drive)
305. Help, I'm stuck in my jerry cans!! -- Jon, 15 Nov '24 (game The Long Drive)
306. Diesel is not oil. -- Jon, 15 Nov '24 (game: The Long Drive)
307. Are you pleased with yourself Fluffy?? Now we have no oil AND no sex doll!! -- Jon, 15 Nov '24 (game: The Long Drive)
308. But what are we jizzing on and why?? -- Jon, 16 Nov '24 (game: The Long Drive)
309. The pee will continue til mobility improves!! -- Jon, 16 Nov '24 (game: The Long Drive)
310. Wait, do you brush on the jizz, or do you jizz on the brush?? -- Jon, 16 Nov '24 (game: The Long Drive)
311. I've run out of jizz!! I'm gonna need to find another bottle of jizz. -- Jon 16 Nov '24 (game: The Long Drive)
312. You can't tell me if your car started doing that, a little bit of pee and some funny noises wouldn't come out. -- Jon 16 Nov '24 (game: The Long Drive)
313. You didn't see, but this shit just came flying out of my ass and rolled around on the garage floor.
314. If you're chasing a twitch streamer for brains, you're out of luck!!
315. They're basically like, skeletons with tentacles!!